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For The Most Anticipated Ones And The God-sent.

I live in that part of the world where even today if you are expecting a baby, especially the second one and the first is a girl child, people expressly anticipate it to be a boy.

Everything from the glow of your skin to the lack of it; your constant, incurable nausea; the shape of your growing stomach; the pattern of your sleep and the way you look, everything implies that it is a boy ‘this time’. Your friends, neighbors, family members, all think that they are pleasing you by telling you that ‘this time’ you will be blessed with a boy.

Some of you may not believe it but I know this because this is exactly what happened with me last year, when I conceived for the second time at the age of 38 years, after years of denying any need of a second offspring. We took the plunge because our first born, my then 11 years old daughter, had been begging us to give her a sibling and we couldn’t say no to her anymore. So we decided to try granting her her wish and God listened to her as well.

And the new chapter began. Everyone was thrilled. The grandparents on both sides, uncles and aunts, our friends and neighbors, whosoever came to know was exhilarated to hear the news. More so, because it’s considered important to have two kids and it might be a boy child ‘this time’.

And the anticipation or rather manifestation of the male child began. “This time it will be a boy.” I heard this almost everyday and almost always replied that it could be a girl too.

I almost every time said that because one it was a logical thing to say as we couldn’t be sure of what it would be. Second, it didn’t matter to us and we were as thrilled to have anyone as our second born. Third, I didn’t want my unborn child if it was a girl to feel unwanted or not talked about. She was as much wanted as the he was.

I have never understood people’s, especially Indians’, obsession with a boy child. There are special rituals and celebrations related to the birth of a boy whereas girl’s birth sometimes doesn’t even considered worthy of congratulations. This is how things had been since generations and I had begun to think that things had improved but I was mistaken.

There is definitely some progress now. A girl as a first born is celebrated because the childbirth is celebrated and she is a child and the hope remains that there will be a second time soon and with a different gender and so when the second time comes another girl is not expected, and definitely not verbally.

When it happened with me I was sickened by this biased anticipation. I am a well educated, modern, working, independent, proud woman and I was shocked to realize this brutal reality. Of course there were some exceptions who spoke neutrally but mostly it was the boy anthem I heard everywhere.

Personally I did not anticipate any specific gender because to me wanting one means not wanting the other. And that is so unfair. To the unwanted one.

And I didn’t anticipate anything in particular because I feel if is not what we wished for, then it is God-sent.

I just wanted a healthy child who would become our little companion for years to come and make our life’s journey more beautiful, abundant, adventurous, somewhat challenging and eventful.

And isn’t that the reason why we have children? To make our lives complete and hearts full with the love and care we feel for them and to evolve and become better persons as we are given the opportunity to become while bringing them up. And what does this beautiful life process has to do with a bias towards any gender?

We eclipse the light sent to our lives because of an age old belief that sons carry our names and legacy.

How wrong this obsolete belief is? Have you seen any name known in the history of this world because he or she was someone’s father, mother or grandparent?

People become famous and are remembered for their own deeds and contributions. They are known for their own accomplishments and attributes and not because of their successors’.

Our children are not the bearers of our negligible and insignificant names and legacies.

They are our gifts to humanity who come through us and because they come through us they get to be with us for many years. And for those years they become our companions and teachers.

Yes, I call my children my mentors. They have come to my life to teach me.

To teach me unconditional love and compassion in their initial years when I am required to just adore them and take care of them.

To teach me the value of my life, youth, good health and the way I live my life because that leaves impressions on their quality and perception of life.

To teach me patience and wisdom in their growing up years as without the two I can’t nurture their uniqueness and bring out the best in them.

To teach me all that I never learned as a child but have been given the opportunity again as their guide and companion.

To teach me humility as I have made and owned maximum mistakes as their mother and not in any other role and realized how fallible I am.

And one day they will teach me the value of my freedom and time for self when they will fly away from my nest to try their own wings.

Our children are our companions for many years in our own journey of life and its high time the society learned that the gender of our tiny companions is of no real concern in the world we live in today.

They are not for us to own, they are certainly not born to carry the burden of our unfulfilled desires and insignificant inheritances. There are here for their own journey and purpose and not to carry on with ours.

New life means new journey and new life’s arrival is an event of celebration because it brings with it new hopes, dreams, another carrier of the virtues and legacy of humanity.

Yes. Legacy of humanity is the only legacy we need to pass on.

So whenever I prayed to God, which i did very often in those months I was carrying another life, I prayed Him to bless us with a healthy baby and the wisdom and ability to bring him/her up to be a good and contributing human being.

And then His blessings came as a beautiful tiny bundle of joy who we named Rubayat which means God’s verse and lovingly call Sria which means joy. And it was a girl ‘this time’ too and we couldn’t be happier as our little girl brought into our lives much more happiness than we had dreamed of. Her protective father, her doting elder sister and her thoughtful mother, which is myself, have been on cloud nine since then. She is a dream come true and why not.

She has made our family complete and our hearts and house full to the brim with love, joy, beauty, cuteness, her smiles, her cries, everything that wasn’t there before she came along.

And another reason why she is a dream come true is because subconsciously I think I wanted to have her. I think I had always felt fascinated with the idea of becoming a mother of and bringing up two beautiful, bright, lively girls. Whenever I would come across such a family – mother, father and two daughters, I loved looking at them and would fantasize having a similar one myself.

To me all children are good, boys and girls, but it was a very personal emotion I never consciously thought about or even verbalized because I am not biased. I actually realized the feeling when my subconscious fantasy became a reality and filled me with an unparalleled joy. I would have been very happy to have a son too but having you, my most anticipated one and the God-sent, I became ecstatic.

Thank you God for being so kind and listening to the said as well as the unsaid and thank you my little girl for choosing me as your bearer, companion and guide for the years to come.

I will try to do my best. I promise!!!

My Wishes For My Girls.

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“Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be.”

A song I heard for the first time when I was a little girl. At the time, I did not at all understand what it meant, but it somehow remained with me and now I very often find myself singing it to my girls.

The song means what is meant to happen, will happen. On one hand I understand the reality of this sentence but on the other my mother’s heart doesn’t stop wishing for all that’s best for her beloved children. There are a million things that I hope for, when I think of my daughters’ future.

First of all, I want both of them to have a very positive view of life. Their lives will have their shares of ups and downs, good days and bad days, victories and failures but in any situation they find themselves in, I wish that they see an affirmative reason and outcome at the end of it.

Besides being positive, they must be pragmatic too while dealing with what life serves them and always find ways to make something beautiful and worthwhile out of whatever they have.

I wish them both to be believers. Believers of God, goodness, miracles, love, happy endings. Those who believe find it easier to be hopeful, happy and at peace with life.

When they grow up I wish them to be at peace with their life and to never be tormented by any demons from their past. I want them to experiences life closely and learn from it but my mother’s heart wishes to shield them from any ugly and frightful incidents and if there’s ever any such troubling event I wish they learn their lessons and move on with more strength and wisdom.

I wish them to be intellectuals and deep thinkers, someone with ideals and strong beliefs. They must be strong minded and not submissive or meek followers.

I hope the seeker in them connects with the depths of their minds and souls and they learn to live a life with consciousness and mindfulness.

A superficial and shallow life is a wasted life. I wish them to feel, think, reflect and contemplate deeply and then stand by what they think and feel. They should question what is not acceptable to them and not conform to norms and prejudices just to fit in. They should rather enjoy being different and influence those around them.

I wish them to be distinctive and original yet open to new ideas and knowledge. They should know people with different views and ideologies and engage in healthy discussions and exchanges. They must be willing to learn, adapt, change and evolve when they come across a better way of life.

I wish they have many good friends and nourish and cherish friendships that are fun, inspiring and are there for life. I hope they enjoy great bonds with good people from all over the world and inspire and be inspired to live a good life.

I wish they remain their beautiful selves, both inside and outside. They should be elegant and delightful but more than that they must be kind and empathetic.

I wish they turn their passions into professions and love and enjoy what they do. Hope they never make their living at the cost of living a happy and fulfilled life,earn enough to live comfortably and to afford the experiences they want and know that money is just a means to life and not a measure of their worth.

I wish they never forget the value of education and be well educated as well as well-read. May they never cease to love their best friends, the books and remain avid book lovers for life.

I wish they have an adventurous streak in them and should enjoy all the exciting, adrenaline pumping feats and adventures of the world. And to enjoy those escapades, stay at the peak of their health and fitness.

May they have an eternal love for traveling just like their mother does and see and explore the whole world and then find that one place they can happily call their home.

I wish they find people worthy of their love and trust and take little chances if and when their hearts tell them to but never cease to believe in love if their hearts ever get broken.

And above all else I hope they love themselves more than anything or anyone and know that no one has the right to make them feel less or unworthy. I hope they value their precious lives, dignity, respect and worth more than anyone especially those who can’t value the same.

It’s a mother’s wish that her girls, her princesses shall grow up and live life like worthy queens. I hope they rule their own small worlds and always know that they have one another world that was, is and will always be for them to rule. Their mommy and daddy’s hearts and home will forever remain theirs and they will be always welcome to be back and be our eternal little princesses.