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Women, Your Evolution Has Happened, Revolution Is Awaited.

Almost every day I come across at least one woman who is emotionally agonized and is leading a miserable life. There is nothing unusual about it because life is meant to be full of agony but still I feel it is not right for these women to be distressing over the issues that are causing them pain.

Now what’s wrong with having the issues they have? Issues or problems are a normal part of human life. But still I find myself thinking that those concerns could be easily avoided or they are not the real concerns of a progressive world we live in.

What are these problems I have so much problem with? The concerns these women have are the concerns they have because they are women.

The infamous “Venusians” are miserable since the beginning of this world because they are born as women. They have always been the suppressed ones and have been told, “you can’t do this, you can’t be this, you can’t go there, not alone, you have to do this, you have to be like this, this is expected of you and so on.” Just because they are women.

There are so many prejudices and stereotypes attached to both the genders and women are on the loser end of these beliefs. Let me be more specific.

“Women don’t need to work if their husband is providing them well, they have to cook and look after children, they can’t go out alone, they can’t drive on the highway, they have to listen to their husbands and the elders, they have to ask before doing anything important and even unimportant.” The list is endless and varies little with the social and economic status of the family.

This is how the world has always been. Telling women what they can and what they can’t. Women lived with being told for a very long time because they were not equipped or prepared to break the stereotypes and thus change the world. But now the women of this generation are miserable beyond imagination because now they are well equipped and prepared and absolutely capable of doing everything but still they are told they can’t.

This generation’s women are well educated, well groomed, are mostly earning or have the potential to earn, they are capable of being independent, are well informed to make decisions and have ample opportunity to do and are doing all that men did and proclaimed supremacy for ages.

This generation of women is much more capable and independent than all their predecessor generations and yet they aren’t as happy and peaceful as they ought to be and that I feel is a shame. The well educated, well read, modern, intelligent, well earning, independent, professionally successful women are not living a very happy, content and peaceful existence and that makes me cringe and wonder at the same time.

Cringe because I am a woman and wonder because I don’t believe the reason. The reason is that they simply don’t know how to claim their glory and their rightful place in the world.

The place now that has come to be theirs after thousands of years and ages. So many generations before us might have wanted it so badly but couldn’t have it because the world was not probably designed by a woman and hence was created to be difficult for the women to operate and run.

The physical toiling was tough so it became a man’s arena but things aren’t the same now. Everything happens with a push of button so thanks to the men and women who designed the new world it is now easy for anyone. And imagine maybe the men too wanted that and that’s why didn’t mind designing it that way.

Then why aren’t the women taking advantage and treating themselves as equals? Why don’t they recognize and acknowledge the fact that they are born in the time of their species’ liberation and they have to play a role in it.

Yes. Women of this time and age, rather than playing the second fiddle, have to be the harbingers of the change and usher their unparalleled race into the new world that just treats them as just another human who has needs, motivations, emotions, abilities, capabilities, shortcomings which do vary but not from man to woman but a human to another human.

It’s the time of the world that would be noted in the history of the world when the gender stereotypes broke and distinction between men and women finally got erased and they began to be treated as equal human beings.

Time when employees got selected as per their capability and qualifications and not because of the gender. The time when women drove lorries and men cooked fancy meals in the restaurants as well as at home. The time when both men and women earned the living and spent quality time bringing up their children together. The time when women chose not to cook if they didn’t fancy that and men dropped kids to school because they loved doing that. The time when both girls and boys took care of their parents and ran family businesses if they had it and wanted to. The time when women married for love and companionship and not to be provided for, hence chose the most loving and compatible one instead of the most financially well off one.

Isn’t this all already happening and hence proves that the time is already there? There are women CEOs, astronauts, innovators, heads of nations, lorry drivers and deep sea divers. There is a Malala who fights for her rights, gets shot in head, survives, wins a laureate and becomes celebrated. Today a Priyanka Chopra marries a younger Nick Jonas not for money and support but maybe because her alpha, super-ambitious self needs a soft and sweet beta companion.

So the time has already arrived and the world is already an equal place now. Then what’s the problem? The problem is that most of the women have not acknowledged this fact. Their mental programming of thousands years hasn’t much changed and they have passively remained seated in the backseat.

As a result, they do not assert their now equal rights and wishes and still have remained being the lesser ones in the house, on the job and in the society as a whole.

Women of today are supposed to be their brand new selves, to be the representatives of the new liberal age because in the history of mankind they are the most well educated, well brought up, equally treated, pampered and prepared to create their own identity and place in the world.

But those same women do not think like that and are rendering themselves wasted when they think of working outside home as an option, by wanting a husband who earns more than them and can promise financial security, by tolerating abuse and not walking out because who will look after them and the kids, by not taking care of their own parents because they are not their responsibility.

The ultramodern women have chosen to be more miserable because they are living a conflicted life of a lioness outside in the world and an expected to turn into a meek cow back at home. They are enduring this misery because they still think of themselves as just a woman who is supposed to be the lesser one, the younger one, the less successful one and the less wiser one.

Wake up women. You topped the ranks in school and college, you got that job because you were the best candidate, you are smart enough to run a house and an office with equal ease, you are intelligent enough to make the choices you make and you are still the best mother and wife. You are not less.

Why have you submitted yourself to a place and position in this world which warranties unhappiness and misery? Why have you made the volunteer submission as the humble inferior one?

Yes. It is the women who have submitted themselves to be agonized in the world that is ready to accept them as the opposite. It is we women who are keen to please everyone, who are not being assertive and keeping their wishes and feelings inside for the fear of being judged. It is we women who judge another women who break the stereotypes and choose to live differently.

When a woman decides to leave her husband because he slapped her ‘once’, it is the women who questioned her reaction in the cult movie “Thappad”. This movie is the proof that the new age has been around since quite some time but is just not hailed by the lot.

Women, you are not from a lesser planet nor are men from a superior one. We are all made from the same draft. For some generations’ convenience we were allotted different roles and the act just went on.

Now after generations of change the stage is set. Life’s act has to go on but little role reversal is required. Men have been left with no choice but to create the place for their truly better counterparts and we women have to accept our rightful place and take charge and responsibility of at least our own lives.

Yes. Women have to take responsibility. For their lives, their dreams, their happiness, their freedom and all of this for their dependents’ too. Freedom never comes without responsibility and maybe this is the reason despite having all the reasons and resources to live a more dignified life the women of this new world are still being told that they can’t.

Or is it that they are the ones who say to themselves that we can’t. “I can’t stay alone. I can’t do this all by myself. I can’t say what I want. I can’t say no to them. I can’t be the disobedient one.”

Women are not ready to stand for themselves because they are the adjusters, accommodating ones, the ones who sacrifice and keep the families afloat.

So the well educated, dreamer, intelligent, independent woman is still not living an equal life where her preferences and interests are primary, her needs and aspirations are central, her freedom and choices are respected.

This wasn’t too much to ask especially in the homes where they are equal contributors but even there they remain the secondary mistress not the head master of the house.

Remember, men have little to do with this plight of women. They are just continuing to enjoy the power the women have complacently not decided to share with them. Because they are either too scared of being labeled as headstrong dominants or are too scared to be nastily shown their place.

As a result, women are just maintaining the illusion. Illusion of a happy person living in a happy family whereas they are seething and dying from within because the enlightened and empowered minds can’t survive in the powerless, dark place that is allotted to them.

Women, don’t be scared. Let them call you names. Let them label you selfish, mean, proud, arrogant, self centered, egoist, whatever else. They do not understand why you are hurting but if you are hurting, please stop hurting within.

The pain of loss of some ungrateful relationships is nothing in comparison to the pain of humiliation that you go through everyday, the pain of not knowing who you truly are – the successful woman outside the house or the unwise nincompoop they make you think you are in the inside.

Ask yourself, who you are. Because you know who you are. Take pride in that and do whatever it takes to live with dignity and respect. Offer yourself as an equal partner and make the terms clear. The old prejudices are passé and don’t shy from asserting the obvious if the other side seems oblivious.

Honestly, not much fight and rebellion is required for our cause. The world is ready to hand over the baton to us, it is just us who haven’t asked for it. Consider yourself worthy and take it over.

Tell them that you don’t want to rule because you know how it feels to be the ruled over one. Tell them you just have to be equal because you need to do justice to the evolution that slowly and silently has happened and has happened for a collective good. The evolution is done, the revolution is awaited. And it is for your doing.

Live and let live. That’s our motto.

PS. This strong write up is for the women who are empowered and enlightened but yet aren’t being given the respect, choices and place that they are worthy of. If you are someone who could connect with my thoughts, then this entire piece of advice is for you. And those who think it is too much to do to live with dignity, stay where you are and let it become a new norm and then you may get to enjoy the fruits of someone else’s struggle. Just keep yourself alive till then.

A Message For My Contemporaries, Continued

Hello xennials!

Many of you felt intrigued by my last blog (by the same name) and asked for solutions to effectively live with the two ideologies of two overlapping generations that make us, the xennials. The question that remained was how to combine the traditional values of Generation X and the new technology driven, self centered mindset of Generation Y to emerge as the best cohort in the history of humankind.

Many of you found the knowledge that you, because you were are born in a year between 1976 and 1984, have the best attributes of the two individually exceptional groups, very novel, useful and esteem boosting. Just imagine, you have had those qualities for years but never felt so good about them and suddenly you came to know a new fact about your existence and you became overjoyed with the newfound knowledge about self. This establishes the importance of language and words and a fact about human psychology that well worded information about self and its implications help us appreciate what we are and have.

Anyways it is indeed a matter of pride for me and my peers that we are a good combination of old school and new age. We are living a technology aided, modern life yet holding on to many conventions and traditions. We are probably the last generation to have experienced a simple life without fancy frills before the technological transformation of the whole world happened and everything changed. For good, I mean, forever.

It wasn’t the first time that the world changed. Since its origin our sole inhabited planet has been witnessing new discoveries and developments and thus has been constantly transforming, but the information technology advancement changed everything at an unexpected accelerated pace and this became our generation and all subsequent generations’ prime-most challenge.

Due to all the advancements our social, economic, technological needs and aspirations underwent a sea change but we as humans didn’t change at the same pace. Our physiology and psychology takes decades and centuries to undergo any significant change and hence we humans haven’t fully adapted to the fast paced, techno-dependent world.

Will explain this with a few examples.

Our eyes and necks aren’t yet evolved to adapt to the permanent strain on them that the excessive use of our favorite devices exert. Similarly our psychology hasn’t really upgraded to survive a life with only virtual friends and the illusion of attention they give us and without many real, intimate contacts in our social media dominated lives. Likewise our livers and kidneys cannot bear the excesses of our eating and the other such indulgences. Even our minds aren’t fully tuned to the high ambitions and aspirations we have from our humble selves.

Because our evolution hasn’t coincided with the changes in the way we live now, living under a lot of physical and mental stress has become a new norm. We may not have realized it but we and most of our fellow humans aren’t living a very healthy life anymore.

We, xennials, are overly affected by this choice of lifestyle that fell upon us, as we are a generation which isn’t completely oblivious to the damage being done to us and our progeny. Though we enjoy the kind of life we have now, many of us at a conscious or a subconscious level still worry thinking about the adverse outcome of such a life and maybe that’s the reason we end up being hypocrites and restricting our children when we see them overindulging in the life we have provided them with.

We are aware that excess of anything is detrimental. Too much use of technology, excessive eating and drinking, unrestricted spending, over-ambitious goals and unrestrained lifestyle have overburdened us and are doing the worst to our successors because this is the only life they have seen.

I personally feel that we, xennials, have an important job to perform. We have to be the bridge between the two ways of life. It doesn’t seem like a challenge to me that we have the attributes of two generations. Rather, it is our privilege that we are the preservers of all things great from the past. We have been assigned to save simplicity, stability of thought, compassion and love for others, intimacy and a need to have and respect real relationships from becoming extinct like all things we didn’t care about did before us.

We have to remain attached to the life of basics we lived before we overindulged in the non-basics because this super fast transformation is not going to last for long. The day nature starts revolting, we may have to retract the advances we have made and then we xennials will be the ones expected to lead the retreat.

Thus the solution to your quandary is to hold on to the two varied ideologies because neither of them is insignificant. Your history is your story of a simple life when you played real games with real friends and all the valuable virtues of hard-work and resilience that helped you create the future that is your present now. Don’t underestimate that past and do not completely cease to live that. Occasionally go back to those times and take pride in the lack-lustrous yet glorious life we had and bring some of it to your present and keep it alive.

To keep your life from being overcrowded with the trophies of past and present, do away with the inessentials like the stereotypes and the prejudices from the past, the overrated excesses of the present and the unnecessary worries of the future. For a near perfect life, learn not to become a slave of anything. Be a consumer of technology, do not let it consume you and your relationships. If you can do it, you can very well teach it.

Remember, we have to have the best of the two lives. So be someone who still loves to read the old classics but enjoys writing blogs too, who cares about the nature and takes lot of pictures and occasionally shares them on instagram, enjoys the old songs of 80s and 90s and can binge watch Netflix on free days, someone who has travel goals to explore the whole world and feels equally at ease living in a small hamlet, who still calls people to wish them on birthdays after being reminded by checking Facebook and when life seems too fast to sustain who can take a pause and slow down and feel contented to have come this long way from the good old days.

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A Message For My Contemporaries

Those who were born around 1980 and are now almost forty or a year or two plus or minus, I call them my contemporaries. Me and my peers, we are a very special genre and are going to have a very special place in the future history of mankind. I take our place and position in the world very seriously and I will explain it why and thus want your absolute attention on every word I write here.

Earlier we either fell under the Generation X (born between 1965 to 80) or the millennials (born between 1981 and 1995) cohorts, but now we are called “xennials” a combination of gen-X and millennials as we were born at the cusp of the two. So if you were born between the year 1976 and 1984 you are a xennial, someone who has seen the best and worst of two worlds.

As the ones born in the transition we have some very significant distinctions from our predecessors and successors. We have the dual traits of two very different generations.

1. We have both the hardworking, workaholic genes of gen-X and the easygoing attitude of the millennials. That probably makes us seek a good work-life balance in our life.

2. We have the gen-X conservative values as well as the liberal ways of millennials. And that’s why we are mostly conflicted in the inside.

3. We are neither completely devoted and loyal generation X nor we are absolutely indifferent and impatient generation Y. Hence, we are less rigid and more flexible and agile to change.

4. We lived our initial twenty years of life without mobile phones and internet but have been using the technology and social media for almost twenty years now. So we are tech savvy and also know both the advantages and disadvantages of the necessary evil.

5. Like our predecessors we did not get to reap the economic boom for good 15 to 20 years and like our successors we did not start career in global recession. We had had five to ten years of career amid plentiful prosperity under our belts before the meltdown began. Thus, we may enjoy extravagance but we aren’t pound foolish.

6. We love our families and care about the society as we inherited it from gen-X and those before them and we are somewhat self-infatuated narcissists too as that’s what our next in line evolved to be.

7. We are neither pessimists and over-cautious like the ones born before us nor we are audacious optimists and outgoing like those who came after us. We are realists and are trying to deal with the realities of life in the best possible way.

In the nutshell, we “xennials” are neither old school nor we are new wave and this distinction makes us a very good mix of the two worlds. We are the last generation to have lived our old traditions and the first one to go ultramodern. We have read books and we have played video games. We have owned audio tapes and we have used iPods and Bluetooth earplugs. We can wear chic westerns and can carry traditional wear with equal elan. We relish our local foods as well as the global cuisines with identical fervor.

All this duality at times makes us confused and conflicted especially while dealing with our children who unlike us belong to a pure cohort, generation Z. Generation Z are those who are born between year 1996 to 2015. Most of xennials are parents of almost or already teenagers which is the generation Z. This generation was born with phones and tabs in their hands, have ambitious and indulging providers, are compulsive consumers of all kinds of trends and desire absolute freedom without questions asked.

Now the question is how our conflicted cohort is dealing with this overindulged, narcissistic gen-Z? This is our life’s current scenario:

1. We are liberals so we give them liberty but get worried because we are conservatives too.

2. We mostly earn well and are indulging. Hence, we have provided them with almost everything but we flinch when we see them not valuing what they have and feeling entitled to have more.

3. We use technology in every form, we are all over the social media but we want to limit their access when we see them overdoing.

4. We eat, drink, party hard as a modern way of life and when we are being replicated by the gen-Z we aren’t sure if it is right or wrong.

Everyday, we are facing one or other dilemmas in our life especially as parents of teenagers because we are a mixed generation. We can’t completely let them loose and we don’t know how to stop the inevitable without being the despised hypocrites.

My fellow xennials, what to do in the fix that we all find ourselves in, just because of the year we were born in?

In my opinion it is not a predicament but a blessing that we are where we are. Our generation has been given a perfect chance to evolve and become better than all our preceding generations. Our prerogative is not to choose to be either X or Y but to take the best of the two and let go of the worst of both. This generation has a unique chance to amalgamate the finest of two wonderful worlds and be the best breed ever.

The job may sound tedious but is doable. Our generation actually has a lot of de cluttering to do. We are almost everything that our parents were and all that they were not. We have all the inheritances as well as the new learned ways of life influenced by the two generations overlapping our lives. For a life less complicated and conflicted we need to emerge as a new entity. If you agree to what you have read so far, there are simple steps to follow.

1. Be mindful of all that you are. Separate your own inherent attributes and values and the ones you have merely adopted to fit in among others especially the newer generations. Ask yourself, “Am I really a very social person or I just hang out because everyone does?” “What purpose the use of technology is serving for me?” “What is my true calling?”

2. List down the characteristics and values that have served you best and are important for your well being especially as a parent. Retain those.

3. List down all those features, values and habits in your life that are detrimental to your peaceful existence but you are holding onto them for sentimental reasons or merely because you never realized that they were undesirable. Unlearn them or give them up.

4. After the unlearning and de littering if you feel the need to learn a new skill or value, learn it. Remember, we have to have the best of the two worlds.

This process will take time, conscious effort and especially a lot of self consciousness, but will make you free from lot of unnecessary baggage. If you aren’t able to manage it on your own, you can take a Life Coach’s help. Do it yourself or with someone’s help, just do it because you are overloaded, over-burnt and overwhelmed by the old and the new and the contradicted, unsorted and inconsistent you cannot guide the gen-Z.

My fellow xennials, it’s high time we do our self appraisal because it’s around 40 that midlife crisis strikes and we are almost there and some self discovery and decluttering will certainly help us find our balance and become the better people we were certainly born to be.

Will share my thoughts on how to deal with the gen-Z in my next blog. Till then help yourself.