Whenever I think of writing, it’s my own story or some part of it that comes first to my mind. Not because I am self infatuated or narcissistic, but because it has been quite an interesting journey and I feel worth sharing too. As the entire journey can’t be shared on a blog, I am choosing to share the part that may interest my readers.
I once said, “If my life is ever chronicled I would want it to be in two parts- before and after Princess’s birth.” Princess is my first born’s name and bringing her to this world changed my entire world. Motherhood to me came as my salvation as the restless soul inside me found its purpose.
I don’t remember ever being fond of kids. Being the youngest sibling myself I never had to live with someone younger than me. As a child I had lived quite a pampered life and never even showered few tiny bits of affection on anyone’s cute munchkin. I was actually so childish that when I got pregnant I remember my friends joking that a child was going to have a child. And maybe that’s the reason the transformation was so apparent.
When I held the little bundle of my own flesh and blood in my hands for the first time, I said to my husband, “I don’t know anything about being a mother.” The conscious acknowledgement of my complete lack of knowledge and expertise in my new role of a mother initially made me develop cold feet. I knew just one thing that I knew nothing. The advices I got from all quarters were overwhelming and sometimes terrifying. I knew everyone wished well but I was determined to find out the best ways to do everything.
So soon the reader in me started to soak up all that I could on the subject. In all the free time I had between the feeds and the naps I frequented the parenting websites and devoured relevant books to learn the tricks of the world’s most difficult job. From how to hold her, feed her, deciphering her crying, knowing what the color of her poop meant, to the importance of burping, reasons for her hiccups, checking her milestones, setting sleep routines, introduction of foods, learning logics behind what her doctor said, I think I tried to know it all.
The initial curiosity to learn the basics later led to reading about the child’s behavior and psychology and that’s when I found my calling. The more I read the more I started understanding myself, the world around me and off course the one everything began for, at the first place. Understanding the human behavior fascinated the seeker inside me so much that when Princess was one year old I quit my high paying corporate job to study and later practice my current profession as a psychologist and a parenting coach.
Please note that the journey I intend to share with you is not of professional change and growth. Not everyone should and will change jobs after becoming a parent. What I wish to share and probably inspire you with is my personal growth.
Motherhood transformed the insecure, short-tempered, naive, pampered, stubborn child inside me into a mature adult and the process is still on. I was a very difficult person and was not at all sorted emotionally. I had my reasons but didn’t know a way to change things. Now I know that the child in me needed to be given a responsibility and luckily I didn’t waste the chance I was given. I was conscious of my shortcomings and didn’t want my child to know them. With years of practicing mindfulness and self management techniques I have come a long way and now nothing easily deters my peaceful existence. (To tell the truth I still enjoy being childish, playfully with my little ones.)
In our whole lives we all go from one stage to another and then to the next one and I have always felt that in every new stage we need to change and evolve. We all have several imprints on our minds and beings, of our genes, our caregivers, our handlers, our faulty learnings and acquired or formed beliefs. We need to unlearn all the wrong learnings and unload all the clutter that we inherit or acquire when we enter a new phase. That is what is called adaptation and adaptation is required in any new environment. Be it marriage, child birth, professional shift or change, a loss or tragedy, life gives us many reasons to adapt and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. With every phase come new environment, roles and responsibilities and thus the opportunity to evolve. Honestly how you are doing in your various roles and positions today depend on how much you altered your being.
I myself didn’t make much of some opportunities that came before so I suffered but luckily good sense prevailed when motherhood knocked my door. I can say that my attempt to become a good mother made me a better human being. Now I also know that there’s nothing like a perfect mother and especially now that the little bundle has become a teen I on some days get the title of the worst mother too. But I am still happy and madly in love with my precious first born because all that is a part of the beautiful journey called motherhood.
Thanks for reading my heartfelt reflections. These were just my journey’s introduction to you. Through my musings I wish to share my experiences both as a mother as well as a Parenting Coach and a Psychologist.
Keep reading and happy evolving!!!